I had a heartfelt conversation with a friend tonight who believes that he is doomed to live a life in which he will only be able to create “monsters” with his love. He believes his bad choices are his burden, and evidence to his belief that he is unwanted, not good enough. As I watched him say these things, I was incredibly moved by his vulnerability, his earnestness to understand. I could see that he has been and is now working through the messiness, but he believes that he is getting nowhere. If he could only see what I see, that he is enough, a beautiful example of self-love, and not just surviving, but creating a better life for himself. He doesn’t know that this is a temporary thing.To change how we are, and what we do, it’s important to understand what we are believing and redefine our beliefs. But to do this takes quite a bit of effort, practice, patience, and perseverance. Brad Brown, one of the founders of More To Life, used to say, “Practice, practice, practice until it becomes your practice.”
But I want to add one more important piece to this. Because we are never alone on our journey, it’s important to stay open to the support of the teachers around you, and to be open to what that looks like. It is likely not be what you expect. A teacher shows up in your life not because you asked for it, but because Life is flowing through you. The teacher may appear in the form of an enemy, the monster this man created was such a teacher. When he discovered what he had created, he wanted to learn a different way of being. It was the only way he was able to understand.
There is a kind of partnership with Life that enables the teacher and the learning to happen harmoniously. There are many examples of this, and the most familiar one finding our path in life. Most people do not know what they want to do when “they grow up.” And so when we listen to the cues life delivers, we can find a path that is more than what we could have dreamed up. Let’s say you love art and decide to be an art dealer. While in college, you temp as an office clerk during the summers, and in your second year end up working for an interior design agency. Your flare for design so impresses the owner that she offers you a job to help design interiors of high end homes. You love it. The new opportunity presents itself, and the original plan loses its relevance. You course correct according to a different plan, one life had for you, perhaps all along. You would never have chose this for yourself.
By looking at major events in your life, you can chain the events that happen. One event must come before the next, and you never choose. These events have something in common and only you can truly understand it. In the mystery is your purpose for life. It is why you are here.